


Unspoken truth

by plazorr



Series: Casual shipping [6]
Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plazorr/pseuds/plazorr
Summary: After an unexpected event, Riko is forced to admit a truth she doesn't enjoy, something about her she had been hiding for a long time, something that didn't escape Kanan's attention.
Relationships: Matsuura Kanan & Sakurauchi Riko
Series: Casual shipping [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662025
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Unspoken truth

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Ethanol for the beta read and the help with my grammar :)

“Riko, your dress is done, I think. Could you please try it on so I can see what I need to adjust?” You said as she gave Riko her pink and red outfit for Aqours’ next performance. “Kanan is trying her dress on in my bedroom on the left of the corridor, so you can go to the one on the right, I guess. It’s my parents’ but my mom said I could use it if I needed to.”

Riko nodded and moved away with her outfit. The premiere of their newest song was scheduled for three weeks later and You was finishing the costumes they would wear for the live show. Riko’s and Kanan’s costumes were the last ones to need finishing touches, so they went to You’s house to speed up the process of adjustments. Well, You also needed to work on her own outfit, but she wanted to work on hers last, to be sure all her friends got theirs secured first. Riko opened the door on the right, just like You had told her, and entered the room. She gasped in surprise at the sight unfolding in front of her.

Apparently, Kanan wasn’t using You’s room to get changed, but rather this one. As Riko entered, she let her own outfit fall to the ground as her eyes opened wide. In front of her, she saw Kanan fully naked, her stage outfit left on a hanger as she was beginning to put her casual clothes back on. Surprised, she turned to the direction of the noise and blushed when she noticed Riko’s presence. Since her hands were still on her panties, she couldn’t hide her chest fast enough to her liking and Riko had the time to see what Kanan usually hides under her bras. Kanan stumbled a bit as she hastily finished putting the panties back on her and finally crossed her arms in front of her, denying Riko from seeing anything more.

“Waaaahhhh!!! Riko? What are you doing here?” Kanan screamed with small tears in the corner of her eyes, her face entirely red.

“What? Uhm… I … Uhm… No!” Riko stuttered, nervously looking away, her face even more red than the naked girl’s. “You’re the one that shouldn’t be here! You told me to go inside of her parents’ bedroom because you were supposed to be inside hers!”

“You could have at least knocked before entering a room in someone else’s house!”

“What is this ruckus about?” You said as she came running into the corridor. “What is happening?”

She arrived near her two friends. Riko panicked and, unable to articulate coherent words, gestured for You to stay away from the open door. You didn’t understand the meaning of Riko’s chaotic dance and peeked inside her parents’ bedroom, earning another scream from Kanan.

“Uh? Why are you inside that room? I told you to go inside of the other one, didn’t I?” You said, not showing much shock about Kanan’s lack of clothes.

“Ok, ok, ok!” Kanan said, twitching as she was still looking for a place to hide. “I get it, it’s my fault! Now, could you two please leave the room so I can put my clothes back on please?”

“Oh right, sure. Come, Riko, my room is just there,” You said as she dragged Riko, who was still unable to act normally, out of the room. She also picked up the outfit Riko had dropped. “I promise you there will be no naked girl there.”

You tried to make Riko smile, but she it didn’t seem to work. You opened the door for Riko and pushed her inside. Once inside, she finally turned to You.

“You, how can you be so chill after seeing her… like that?” Riko asked, beginning to blush again.

“I don’t really care to be fair,” You said as she shrugged. “I already saw her naked a few times since we basically grew up together. We also get changed to our swimsuits in the same room if we can’t do it in two. Well, we don’t, like, intensely look at each other because that would be creepy, but I don’t make it a big deal if one of us can see the other’s body.”

Riko nodded, looking lost in thought. You gently hit her with her shoulder, bringing her back to Earth.

“Hey Riko, don’t beat yourself up over it. It was an accident and it was not your fault anyway. I’m sure Kanan won’t hold a grudge against you for it. However, I will beat you up if you drop one of my outfits again,” You said, unable to keep up a serious face as the words left her mouth. “Haha, just kidding. But seriously, try it and tell me where I need to change stuff.”

You closed the door behind her as she left, Leaving Riko alone. She got changed in the outfit and moved a bit around to see if there would be any problem when she would perform her choreography. Of course, there wasn’t: it was always as if You knew every detail about her friends’ anatomies and she never failed to deliver perfect costumes. As she moved around You’s bedroom, the blush on her face hadn’t disappear. It was still there when she got out of the room after changing back to her casual clothes. She went to the bureau where You had put her sewing machine, where Kanan was waiting too.

“It’s perfect, You,” Riko said, looking down to the floor to hide her red face. “As always, you did an amazing job and you don’t need to change anything about the costume. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should go back home. Goodbye, You. Goodbye, Kanan.”

She wasn’t looking at her friends when she bowed in front of them and quickly turned away. She walked at a faster pace than usual to the house’s main door. She was about to exit the house when a hand grabbed her fist, keeping her from going further.

“Hey, Riko!” Kanan’s voice called her from behind. “I… I’m sorry I got mad at you. I was the one at fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself for… For what happened, you know?”

Kanan could feel Riko’s hand trembling in hers. She still couldn’t look up but managed to stutter a few words.

“It… It’s alr… It’s alright… Let’s… Let’s just forget it… Ok?” Riko said, progressively breathing faster.

She tried to run away, but there was no escaping Kanan’s strength. She could even pull Riko in without much effort to hug her, much to Riko’s discomfort.

“I’m glad this is settled then.” Kanan said weakly, her head leaning on Riko’s.

Riko seemed to forget her will to run away for a moment, her limbs losing all the tension in them. When Kanan broke the hug, she looked at Riko with a bright smile on her face. Riko managed to look up at her, her face still showing some nuances of red, though not as intense as what it was before. She calmed her breathing but wasn’t entirely done shaking when she opened the door to leave. When she closed the door behind her, she pressed her back against it, letting out a big sigh. After a few seconds, she headed for her house, leaving You and Kanan behind.

The following week was weird for everyone in Aqours. Riko clearly wasn’t alright. She would miss a lot of steps, even parts of her choreography she managed to do just right before. Her voice was also more hesitant when she was singing. She even stopped progressing on her melody writing. Nobody really knew what was happening with her since she would deny everything and escape the conversation when confronted about these issues. She refused to talk, even to Chika and You. The mood within the group was heavy.

The incident happened on a Wednesday. They were done practicing for the day and it had gone as poorly as the days before. Everyone was panting and drinking from their water bottles on the roof. There wasn’t much talk as everyone was worried about Riko and didn’t dare talk about it in front of her anymore. She was sitting away from everyone, her knees brought to her face. Kanan could see how worried she was but didn’t know what was causing her to be like that and how she could help. She was trying really hard to think of a solution, but she was interrupted by Mari, who had sneaked behind her to grope her.

“Hey Shiny!” Mari said from behind Kanan with a wink she couldn’t see. “Don’t look gloomy because it makes me touchy.”

“Come on Mari, not now,” Kanan said, pushing her away with her elbows, making her fall flat on her butt. “I’m trying to…”

Mari had begun complaining about the bruise she would have and how Kanan better repay her for it, but she didn’t pay attention to Mari anymore. At that moment, Kanan noticed that Riko’s eyes, wide open, were peeking from above her knees, fixated on her. As Kanan interrupted herself and their gazes met, Riko closed them for a second. When she reopened them, Kanan could swear she was noticing tears on their corners. She stood up shortly after discretely drying them and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry everyone, but I need to go back home early. See you all tomorrow.” Riko said as she left the place hastily.

They were all confused by how suddenly she had left. It had even stopped Mari’s rambling. Kanan didn’t mention to the group what she had noticed about how Riko was looking at her, she didn’t see the point. Everyone was even more confused when Riko didn’t show up at school the next day. Chika told the group that she was sick. Everyone but Kanan believed that. She sensed that something fishy was happening. During the whole morning, she couldn’t stop thinking about what could be happening to Riko, earning some calls to order from her teacher. It was midday when she thought of a theory. Once it had formed inside her mind, she felt she had to head straight for Mari’s office.

“Oh, hello Kanan,” Mari greeted her with a smug smile, “Are you there to apologize for the bruise on my butt cheek?”

“No, I’m here because I need a document to leave school early.” Kanan said, choosing to ignore Mari’s teasing.

“What? Do you feel sick too? Did Riko give you her illness?”

“To be fair, I don’t think Riko is really sick, I think there’s another reason why she didn’t come to school today. I think I’ve finally understood that reason and I need to go to her house to confront her about it.”

“What is up with her then?”

“I can’t tell you Mari. In case I’m wrong, I prefer that it stays between me and her.”

“So, I’m supposed to use my position as chairwoman to give you a way out of school for a reason you refuse to share to go check on someone who has stated a valid reason to not attend school today. Is that right?”

“I’m sorry, I guess I am asking for a bit too much…”

“That’s not what I meant,” Mari said with a smile as she handed her the piece of paper she had just signed. “I entirely trust your judgement. Here is your document, you’re free to leave school for the day. If there is even only a slight chance… Please, bring her back to us…”

The road from Uranohoshi to Riko’s house was one Kanan had walked and ran many times. After all, it was next to Chika’s house and they would spend a lot of time together with You back in the days. That day however, Kanan walked past the ryokan and headed for the next house. She knocked on the door and Riko’s mother opened it after a few seconds.

“Hello, I’m one of Riko’s friends. I am-”

“Wait, don’t tell me yet! Mmmmh… One of her older friends… Not Mari, the accent doesn’t fit… Friendly look… Are you Kanan maybe?” Riko’s mother asked, proud to remember what her daughter had told her.

“Yes, that’s me,” Kanan said with a happy smile. “I come to check on Riko since she didn’t come today.”

“That’s very nice of you. Come inside please. I had made some tea, but there’s enough for two. Let me offer you a cup.”

“Thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I think I should go see Riko maybe.”

“Allow me to insist Kanan.”

There was a light in her eyes that clearly overshadowed her smile, telling Kanan without a need for explicit words that she had all interest in accepting the offer if her ultimate goal was to help Riko. Kanan nodded and Riko’s mother knew she had understood. They went together to the living room and Kanan sat down, soon enough joined by Riko’s mother, who was bringing a second cup. She filled it and gave it to Kanan.

“I must admit that I am surprised to see you show up,” Mrs. Sakurauchi started after she took a sip from her cup. “I thought Chika would come since she’s next door. Or maybe You, since Riko has been acting weird since she came back from her house, I thought she could help me understand what happened and why she’s been like that lately.”

“So, I was right when I thought she wasn’t really sick,” Kanan said as Riko’s mother nodded in approval. “I was there at You’s house too yesterday, so I may be able to shed some light on the events for you.”

“Please, tell me what happened.”

“I was there with Riko because we had to try our costumes for our next school idol performance. I went into the wrong room to get changed and Riko entered the room when I was undressed and…” Kanan stopped a second, talking about the incident to Riko’s mother was embarrassing. “Well, she saw everything there was to see. Right after, she went inside another room, tried her outfit and left immediately after.”

“I see…” Riko’s mother was faintly smiling. “So, this is just her overthinking things again probably. Though it’s a lot more concrete this time…”

“What do you mean overthinking?”

“Riko has always been a solitary girl and she has always loved imagining stories. And, I am not surprised that such an incident put some ideas inside her head. This is how she is after all.”

“You… You already knew? About… I mean… I wasn’t sure, but…” Kanan asked stuttering, surprised by her interlocutor’s calm.

“I probably understood before her. To be fair, I’m not even sure she has understood at all yet,” Mrs. Sakurauchi said as she took another sip. “She was the one asking to go to all-girl schools, but she never really managed to stay close to anyone back in Otonokizaka. My daughter never had friends like you all from that school idol group. She never really had friends at all. I’d say she was too nervous to approach them, to do any kind of first step, but that’s just my own theory.”

“She never talks about her life before coming to Uchiura… Sometimes, we wonder what it was like.”

“There isn’t much to say about it. Riko never really played with the other girls when she was a child. And, growing up, she didn’t try to get closer to them. I must say, I was worried about her. Her father, me and her teachers were the only people she talked to. Her preschool teachers said that she would often stay by herself and look at the other children playing from far away. He said that he had had another girl like that years before and that she eventually met friends who pulled her from her loneliness, that there was no need to worry. But those friends didn’t appear until we moved to this town.”

“That’s terrible. I wish we could have been there for her sooner.”

“Life is what it is. The most important for me is that she’s not alone anymore.”

Kanan took another sip, but her cup was empty. Mrs. Sakurauchi had emptied hers too.

“I hope you understand better what your presence here will mean for her, Kanan. Most importantly, I hope you understand that the conversation you’re about to have with her will leave scars on her. Whether they help her or break her will be up to you. It’s a big burden but, please, she needs you right now I believe. ”

“I came here with the knowledge that I could be the one that could bring her back,” Kanan said as she swallowed her spit, the pressure of the moment weighting on her. “I may not have known what I was getting into, but I want to help my friend get better, and I’ll give it my best shot.”

“I can’t ask more from you,” Riko’s mother said with a smile as she stood up. “Now come. She’s in her bedroom. She hasn’t moved from there since she woke up this morning.”

Kanan was up the stairs and the closed door to Riko’s room was in front of her, on the other side of the corridor. Mrs. Sakurauchi had left back to the living room, wishing her the best of luck. As the sound of Riko’s mother was becoming further and further, Kanan moved in the door’s direction. She stopped and knocked on the door.

“Mommy, I told you I didn’t want to talk!” Riko’s voice said from the other side of the door.

“It’s not her, it’s me, Kanan. May I come inside please?”

“Kanan? Coming inside?”

There was a blank in the dialogue. Kanan could faintly hear whispers from inside as Riko was talking to herself.

“I can’t believe I called her mommy…” The whispers said. “Riko, how can you be such an idiot? Stupid girl!”

A few moments later, Kanan heard her clearing her throat.

“I’m sorry Kanan, but you need to leave. I don’t want to infect you with my sickness.” Riko said, punctuating her sentence with a few coughs.

“Riko, I know you aren’t sick. I’m entering.”

Kanan let a second pass between using the door handle and pushing the door open. After all, she didn’t want to put Riko in the receiving end of the same situation as the one that had originated this whole thing. When Kanan entered the room, Riko was lying on her stomach in her bed, hiding her face, blankets and cushions hastily thrown over her, though Kanan could see from the bits of Riko peeking out that she was fully clothed. She made some more coughing noises, but Kanan could easily tell how fake they were.

“Now, I’ll tell you what I think Riko,” Kanan said after closing the door behind her. “Ever since what happened at You’s house, you’ve been acting very strangely. I’m not only talking about your idol performances. You barely talk to us, you seem to avoid us, you ran away from us yesterday and you even skipped school today because you couldn’t face us anymore. It took me more time than it should’ve, I’m sorry, but I think I’ve finally figured out what is happening with you.”

Riko wasn’t answering. She wasn’t moving. The atmosphere in her bedroom was becoming heavier every passing second.

“Riko, I will ask you a single question. No matter the answer you give me, I will believe you and it will not change my opinion of you. This is a promise from me to you.”

She took in a deep breath. It was something more difficult to ask when she was in front of her than Kanan thought it would be. She sat on the bed, next to Riko.

“Riko,” Kanan took in all of her resolve to let her next words come out of her mouth. “Are you gay?”

Silence filled the room. Kanan was looking at Riko’s back as her face was still buried inside the cushions on the bed. She wasn’t moving at all. The seconds seemed to stretch into minutes, into hours. After what seemed like an eternity, Kanan saw Riko begin to shiver. It didn’t take a long time before she also began to hear the soft sounds of her tears.

“I’m sorry Kanan… I’m so, so, so sorry…” She said between her sobs.

Kanan tried to gently pet Riko’s back to calm her, but she didn’t stop crying. She kept apologizing, again and again.

“I’m sorry I have to put this on you, I’m sorry you have to deal with my monstrosity…”

“Calm down Riko, you’re not a monster, you didn’t do anything wrong. If you want to love girls, it’s not a problem.”

“But I don’t want to love girls… I want to be normal…”

As she said those words, Riko’s head finally emerged from the bedsheets. A simple look at her face was enough to know that she had cried a lot before the breakdown she just had, the white of her bloodshot eyes showing a redder tint. Snot was peeking out of her nose, but she disgracefully sniffed and made it temporarily disappear.

Kanan took in the weight in Riko’s words and pulled a tissue from her bag. She let Riko sneeze in it while it was still in her hand. At that precise moment, the disgusting part of the situation was the last of her worries.

“Riko…”

“I always had this … this thing inside me, I realize it now…” She said with a broken voice.

“You’re not a freak or a bad person because of who you prefer… I mean, because of who your heart decided to love,” Kanan said, sitting closer to Riko. “I don’t really understand what it means to love a girl since I believe I’m straight, but if I can do anything to help you, then you can count on me.”

“At this point I’m not even sure what I want anymore…”

“Hey, I’m not good with all this stuff, but believe me when I say that who you like won’t change anything for me. I still consider you a very precious friend Riko.”

“Even if I get distracted by your … Forms… During our practice sessions? Even if my eyes get lost in your cleavage from time to time? Even when you will all have to accept that I see you in swimsuits and may have weird things on my mind?” Riko asked blushing. Kanan smiled at the confidence Riko was regaining.

“I have been friend with Mari for a long enough time that I don’t think I’ll pay much attention to such things. Just keep your hands to yourself please. There’s enough with one touchy girl in the group.”

Kanan’s joke made them both laugh. Riko took the opportunity to ask her a question that had been on her mind for some time.

“Do you think that Mari is like me, then?” Riko asked, hoping to have someone that would know how to deal with the feelings she had. “Do you think she… Does she love girls… too?”

“I’ll be honest with you Riko,” Kanan said with a wicked smile, happy that Riko seemed to progressively accept herself and managed to put her feelings into words. “From the day I met her to this present day, I have never been right about what is going on under Mari’s hair loop. No matter what I tell you about what she could be thinking, it’s very likely to be incorrect.”

Riko laughed again. The atmosphere was definitely not as tense as it was when Kanan first entered the room. When silence settled again though, the air seemed to become colder. Kanan wrapped her arm around Riko’s shoulders and smiled at her. Riko blushed but regained her composure and smiled back at Kanan, who pulled her in for a hug. Riko gasped and froze initially, but gave in, closing her eyes and breathing slower, calmed.

“Thank you Kanan,” She whispered into her ear. “Thank you for accepting me the way I am.”

“All that matters is that you accept yourself.” Kanan whispered back.

“That… That’ll take a bit longer I think…” Riko said after pulling back a bit, nervously putting her hair back behind her ear. “But I’ll be there eventually... probably…”

“I can understand that. Just know that we all love you, that you are important to us.”

Kanan stood from the bed and looked directly into Riko’s eyes with a determined look in her own eyes.

“You know, I’m sure that you would feel better if we went to practice with the others. After all, school is almost finished for the day and they will begin in around one hour.”

“I’m not sure I can do it yet,” Riko said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I am not sure I’m ready for it yet.”

“Learning to be surrounded with cute girls is probably like learning how to swim. When I was four, my daddy threw me in the sea and jumped to join me right after. It was tough at first and I thought I’d drown, but I didn’t and now I’m an excellent swimmer and diver thanks to him.”

“Kanan, I’m not sure this is how it works.”

“There’s only one way to know it, right?” Kanan said as she grabbed Riko’s hands and pulled her out of her bed. “Besides, just like how he was there for me, I’ll be there for you and make sure you don’t drown.”

Riko was too close to Kanan’s body to her liking and became the flushest she had been during this whole conversation. She took a step away without letting Kanan’s hands go. She couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore.

“Kanan… I… You… I mean… If…Uhm…”

“Yes, Riko,” Kanan answered with a big smile as she understood what her friend was trying to ask. “In an alternate universe where I would be interested in dating girls, you would be one of my top picks.”

A smile appeared on Riko’s face. Her fingers pressed Kanan’s hands and then let them go.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me,” She said as she took in a deep breath. “If you’re with me, I think I’ll be capable of facing everyone. So, don’t let me go, ok?”

“I’ll be there whenever you need me Riko. So, shall we go?”

Riko quickly washed her face, arranged her hair and put some make-up on her eyes to hide the tears that had run from them all day long. The girl that looked at Kanan when she was done was still fragile, but she now had the hope that tomorrow would be better.

“I’m behind you.”

Kanan nodded and opened the door while Riko had a second of panic thinking about the potential double meaning of what she had just said. However, thanks to the courage Kanan had just given her, she didn’t falter and followed her friend outside of her bedroom, ready to face the world and earn her happy ending, her smiling reflection in a mirror.


End file.
